Facing Life’s Uncertainties: Stories of Hope, Despair, and Resilience…
Why did you give birth to me, Mom and Dad? I wish you had ended my life when I was being born.
in days of darkness and light,
We chase our dreams.
In storm and sunshine, we find a way,
Looking for a hopeful, new day.
i was born in a middle class familyMy childhood was very good because after Mom's death, Dad did everything he could. I was neither too good nor too weak in studies. Childhood was going okay without Mom because I never really felt her love, and whatever little I did feel, I didn't understand the need or importance of her love at that time.
Let's start from the beginning. My first day in the first grade. I was crying, and my mom had to stay with me at school. I was happy because on the way back, Mom would buy me milk ice cream. It's like I enjoyed going to school just for that milk ice cream.
Then came that unfortunate year when God called my mother to Him. My grade at the time was third.. I remember that day; our house was under construction. And the items from one room were being shifted to another because of plasterwork. Suddenly, there was crying and screaming at night, but I didn't understand why. In the morning, I found out that Dad wanted to have tea and there was no electricity. Back then, houses didn't have gas; there was a stove that ran on kerosene. The stove's fire caught onto Mom's saree, and she was rushed to the hospital. After a few days, I learned that God had called my mother.
My mother was very religious and sociable. At the time of her departure, I didn't understand what was happening. I didn't cry because I didn't grasp the gravity of the situation. My aunt and uncle, almost all the relatives and neighbors were at our home. Everyone said God had called Mom. Gradually, I understood that Mom wouldn't return. (Mom, I wish you hadn't gone to be with God and were still with us.) With time, everything started to get back to normal. Today, I am almost 15 years old. It's my brother's wedding today. We were told that our sister-in-law is coming. All of us were happy. But who knew that she had other intentions in her mind? Until she came to our house, all the brothers were happy with each other."
During this period, I had dropped out of my studies. I thought I would do something. Because in my home environment, I saw that both my elder brothers had wasted a lot of dad's money in new businesses. Hence, I didn't have the courage to start anything without careful consideration, as I feared that if I got the money and the business didn't work or I couldn't make it work, the disgrace would be immense. I was more fearful than anything, and my heart couldn't decide. I didn't know what and how to proceed in the future, with no one to guide or advise. During this time, my uncle used to visit our home.
He had a snack stall. So, I went to learn this trade from him. It was only about a month when our elder brother fell ill. After losing dad's money, he started pretending to be sick so that no one would confront him. I was called to the hospital. (I don't know why, but I will say what I feel - those who squandered the family's money didn't want me to do anything, and as you read ahead, you'll understand why I say this.) Anyway,
I left my training and came to the hospital as everyone wanted. Nearly two months later, my brother spoke to my uncle, and the very next day, my uncle brought me home. After that, I never went to learn the trade from my uncle, because I started learning the work while staying at his place. After returning, I tried talking to my dad. But at home, the environment was such that no one should stress dad. I felt it wasn't the right time to discuss with him, so I began looking for outside sources for money.
But where would I get money for work at that time? I did several jobs but couldn't save enough. Time went on, and it had been almost 10 years since I left school. Through a friend, I got a sales job that paid well during that period. I began to see a way to save money. I started working in the same field. Then, a girl came into my life, and our relationship began with arguments, which eventually turned into a reluctant bond.
Slowly, I felt I might start my own work in the next 1-2 years. As we took steps forward since both our thoughts aligned, it seemed like things were falling into place. But there was another twist. My brother took a loan in my name, didn't repay it, and pretended at home that I had spent the loan money and wasn't repaying. Little did I know that my challenges were about to increase. My work started declining
because the world economy was suffering. Many companies were in loss, changing their policies, or shutting down. Jobs were disappearing. Meanwhile, my brother took back the bike he had given me. I started looking for both legal and illicit ways to fund my business. One such illegal act could have either forced me to leave this world or set me up for life. There were bomb blasts happening in the country, so I wandered around, hoping I might get injured in a blast, and the government might compensate me,
enabling me to start my business. But my luck was against me even then. Finally, I left the house where I faced daily tension. After leaving, I got married. A few months later, my brother's wedding was fixed. I only received calls to ask for money, not to attend the wedding or return home. I don't know what he told our father about this.
My family took back even my bike and wasted all the money I had put down as a down payment because the bike wasn't on loan. Now, the reason was that my loan and credit card installments weren't being paid on time due to my family's interference. I had mentioned that I would take care of it privately or pay it back slowly. The bike was the only means for my job. It was also the first year of my marriage,
and I didn't know what next steps I needed to take after getting married. Household expenses began to rise, and without a bike, I faced challenges in my job. Financial troubles began at home, and during this time, I had to admit my wife to the hospital because she stopped producing blood during her pregnancy. Because of her hospital stay, I lost my job. My rent started to accumulate. Around this time,
When I returned home, my family denied me entry, even in front of my father. My resentment for my family grew even more. This time, a friend sheltered me, and I began looking for a job again. I found one, and it was quite good with a decent salary. However, due to company policies, they conducted an extensive background check on me. I thought that at least this time, my family wouldn't interfere with my job, but they did. I had called my father crying one night, but there was no significant response or acknowledgment.
I did every small job I could in desperation, from iron cutting to labor. Still, my fate had yet to favor me. But I had hope that things would eventually improve. I tried starting a small business, but due to my brother's wedding and my family's meddling, it failed. I lost my office and, seeing this pattern all my life, I didn't dwell on it too much and began looking for a job again. I am dying because I have been diagnosed with cancer, and I might not survive for many more days. I couldn't accomplish much in life, neither as a son nor as a father or husband. All the dreams I had throughout these years were stalled either due to financial reasons or family interference.
This story isn't just mine but is representative of all those who suffer in this manner.
Why do such people not let others live happily?
Why do they keep igniting fires in others' lives?
There are many questions, but no answers.
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